4 regrets of a girl who started dating way too early

relationship

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Written by Angelynn Tan, a college student and an adventurous travel blogger.
You can read her adventures at TravelHolicMusings. Follow Angelynn on her Facebook pageher Instagram and her Pinterest board.

If you ever had the chance to go back in time and change one thing, would you?

I’ve always told myself that the past mistakes shaped me into me, so the standard answer I would give is that I wouldn’t have gone back, because if I had, I wouldn’t know what I knew now. But if one were to really ask me, I would say that I wouldn’t start dating too early.

My high school sweetheart is a great person. He’s caring and sensitive, sort of the staple of a perfect boyfriend. But that doesn’t guarantee a fairytale ending. We broke up mid-November last year because of the rolling pile of issues we had from the beginning of the relationship but never resolved.

#1 The volatile nature of the relationship.

The key reason for this is simply because we were both too young. We started our relationship when he’s 16 and me 15. Six months down the road and things changed. It’s difficult to understand each other’s needs when you couldn’t even figure out your own. We weren’t experienced enough to handle all the conflict we had. We weren’t mature enough to handle each other’s demons. So, we let those demons haunt us. The insecurities we had with each other and the suspicion ate us bit by bit. It could be heaven one day and turn sour in the end. It could be hell from the get go- we couldn’t be sure of what kind of day it will be because we let our emotions get the better of us. We came out of the relationship-weary of war, our body and souls full of battle scars

doll

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#2 We weren’t prepared to face the big bad world

We were in love- well as in love as two young teens who knows shit about themselves are. Love to us then, is a miracle potion. We thought we can fix it all with love and that love conquers all. Needless to say, that didn’t work out. He went to work straight out of high school and I went to college. We were not prepared for the separation and the time away from each other. We were not prepared for meeting people that are more interesting and intriguing than each other. We were not prepared for all the hurdles that came with all these issues. Heck, we weren’t even prepared to answer the big question from my parents: what would you do in the future?

#3 We missed out on each other’s unique experiences, fueling the gap between us

Naively, when I went to college, I still believed love conquers all. While that might be true in some cases, it isn’t that case in mine. Going to college was interesting. There were so many unique experiences and people that I’ve met that helped shape my life and my beliefs. I couldn’t share them with him because he doesn’t understand. He’s never been through those situations before so he couldn’t even begin to understand my life. Vice versa, I couldn’t begin to understand his work issues because I’ve never held a full-time job. We couldn’t really keep up with the changes that each of us were going through, so we don’t have much of the ‘what you did today’ kind of conversations as it’s futile anyway since we replied with standards answers such as ‘oh really?’ and ‘hmm’. It’s a sign when all you could talk about is ‘remembered that time where…’.

heartbroken

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#4 We missed out on unique opportunities because of each other.

I remember when I started college, he had an opportunity to work in Singapore. Sure, I was ecstatic for him, but he didn’t go in the end. Why? Because he felt that he had to take me into consideration. We could attribute this to a lot of different reasons such as immaturity from both our parts, his reluctance to move from the familiar etcetera. No matter what the reasons are, we felt that we had to take each other into consideration before going for an opportunity that we sought for. You may argue that it’s what couples do for each other, which I agree. Problem is, we weren’t mature enough to handle all that communication and stress that comes with the deliberation on whether to take that opportunity (refer to #1). We just wanted it to be over with so we assumed that the other person what the other person wanted instead of what really is.

Teenage love is one of the most exciting experiences ever. You could never know what would happen next, your partner often times unpredictable. You would have to prepare yourself for the heart aches and breaks along the way but if you could pull through that, it’s the best kind of romantic relationship there is. You grow up with each other and as such, that bond you share is almost unbreakable. Just make sure that you grow together and not before one another. That’s a lesson I’ve learnt the hard way.

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