Know what one of the top concerns are for guys going out on a second, third, or fourth date with a girl they like….?
“I’m scared I’ll run out of things to say.”
Yep. It’s communication. And in all honesty, it’s a very legitimate concern….because when you do run out of things to say, it can be extremely embarrassing. On top of that, poor communication (or lack of any communication at all), can be a deal-breaker for a girl who was initially interested in you.
Take a look at this hell-story a user submitted recently:
“Yesterday I was in my car with this girl (second date). I knew she liked me, which made me more nervous than before. I could barely talk to her. She would say something like, “oh I love that restaurant we passed.” And I would answer saying, “yeah, for sure.” But thing is, I KEPT SAYING THAT! She asked me if I liked baseball, chicken, etc and I kept responding, “yeah for sure…” I mean I said it prob 100 times. I just don’t know what to do when a girl likes me back…help.”
Yikes. Just imagine being a fly in that situation, watching someone awkwardly and uncomfortably respond to everything a girls says with “yeah, for sure…” Kinda painful, right? Simply thinking of the interaction makes you want to cringe.
Yet the reason this kind of thing happens probably isn’t at all what you were expecting. Most guys make the false assumption that “running out of things to say” has to do with them and their insecurities. Guys will blame themselves, saying, “I run out of things to say because I’m uncomfortable around girls…I’m socially awkward…I’m not confident enough to speak my mind.”
But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Fact is, you run out of things to say for one fundamental reason:
You aren’t interested or passionate about the topic…and therefore have nothing to contribute to the conversation.
Just think for a minute: when someone starts talking about a subject, a game, or a movie that you are SUPER into, what happens?
You probably get really excited and join in on the conversation.
But when someone starts talking about a topic you have zero interest in, you probably just sit there and nod your head politely, right…?
Bottom line: we were built to talk about our passions, and ignore topics that don’t “pique” our interest. Which means running out of things to say isn’t a matter of you being insecure or feeling uncomfortable…it’s really just a matter of being stuck in a conversation or on a topic that doesn’t interest you.
When you think about it this way, the idea of “running out of things to say” doesn’t seem that bad now, does it? In fact, having things to say should seem pretty simple–just make sure to keep the conversation on things that you find interesting. This is an easy things to do if you’re a guy in a relationship, because you feel 110% comfortable with the girl and where you stand with her.
It gets tricky, however, during that weird phase after your first date. You know, those 5-10 meetings/dates that follow, where you both are trying to balance how much–or how little–you share with each other. You want to tell her more about you, but still want to leave a little mystery and not give everything away all at once.
Thing is, those in-between/weird phase interactions are also the MOST critical to the outcome of your relationship. If you end up with nothing to say during this time, or just a few words like “yeah, for sure,” your chances of seeing her again are slim to none.
So how can you guarantee you’ll have things to talk about in a natural way, without the girl noticing?
Planning. Good planning will allow you to structure the environment of your second date, third, fourth, and so on. For example, the user who submitted the story above could’ve easily structured his environment–the car–in a way that would’ve provided him with more to say. For instance, he could’ve had a playlist of his favorite rap hits from 2003 ready to go (if you missed the “setup your environment” podcast earlier this month — click here and get to minute 20 for other fun playlist ideas).
Just imagine: they both get in the car, and first thing that comes through the speakers is 50 Cent “In Da Club,” Lil Jon “Get Low,” or something else that was insanely popular 10+ years ago. I don’t know about you, but the first reaction I have when I think about these songs is, “OMG…I remember dancing to this song at homecoming and getting yelled at for backing my ass up on a dude! I loved this shit ahhh…!!”
This would’ve been a great ice-breaker: both of them would’ve connected to the song, having been reminded of the funny shit they did back when those “radio hits” first came out. It’s nostalgic, it’s fun, and honestly impressive…especially if you can turn it into a game — “I’m going to play this old song, you have to say the very first thing that comes to mind.”
You clever dog, you. ?
That conversation certainly would’ve gone better than the one that actually went down. And all it would’ve required? A little planning.
Planning extends well beyond the realm of transportation:
Don’t just take her out to dinner, take her to the place you wanted to eat at 24/7 your first year of college.
Don’t just take her to a park for the afternoon. Go to that one park where you broke your arm rollerblading like a daredevil as a kid.
Don’t go to just any Starbucks. Take her to the one where you got chased down by a crazy homeless man and had to run for 7 blocks.
….see where I’m going with this? Take her to places that have a story, places you connect with. Create an environment you can not only talk in, but talk about. Wherever it may be, the fact that it’s personal means you’ll have a lot to share with her while there.
A little planning is all it takes to seal the deal in that “in-between” phase. So think about where you want to go, and what little secrets or stories those places will tell her about who you are as a person. This is the best “armor” you can have to protect yourself from running out of things to say.
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Stay tuned fellas!